Natural Family Planning & An Unexpected Pregnancy

The NFP Baby.

Yes, I'm talking about getting pregnant while practicing Natural Family Planning, even when you were trying to avoid it. This is a conversation that makes many of us uncomfortable, especially since NFP already has a tough reputation not just in our culture, but also among Catholics.

(My doctor literally laughed at me and said I was playing Russian Roulette when I told her I wanted to practice NFP…but that’s a whole other blog post.)

This topic can be especially difficult for those who have faced infertility. When you long for a child, it can be incredibly painful—and even downright infuriating—to hear others express disappointment about an unexpected pregnancy. I totally understand, and I absolutely do not want to dismiss your pain. I think the point of this post is that embracing God's plan for families is not always easy.

That said, I'd like to clear one thing up: People get pregnant while using contraceptives, too.

When that happens, the reaction is usually, “Wow, that’s crazy,” and it's brushed off as a fluke. But when it happens with NFP, the response is often, “Well, of course... NFP doesn’t work.”

In today's culture, contraceptives are given a margin of error. NFP is not.

The truth is, an unexpected pregnancy doesn’t mean NFP failed. It might be that a certain method isn’t right for a woman’s body, or there was a misinterpretation—not that NFP doesn’t work. For me personally, I was surprised by pregnancy when I wasn't actually following my method exactly and was just kind of winging it...so the failure was definitely on my part, not on NFP.

Back to the topic at hand: The NFP Baby.

This happens. And it’s really hard. Really, really hard.

There’s the shock: How can this be? This is not part of the plan. How did this happen??

And the fear: How are we going to do this? What will my husband say? How can I tell my boss? We can’t afford another child...

And the embarrassment: How did I mess this up? What did I do wrong? What will my friends and family say?

As pro-lifers, we’re supposed to be joyful about all new life. But when our emotions don’t match our convictions, we endure inner turmoil. We feel guilty and ashamed for not being happier. I must be a bad mother/person/Catholic…

In our guilt and shame, we become isolated. We fear judgment from our NFP friends for not joyfully embracing our fruitfulness. We can't talk to our contracepting friends because they’ll just say, “I told you so.” I can't talk to anyone about this...

We also start to feel trapped by the Church’s teaching on contraception. We know it’s true and beautiful, but it feels impossible to live out. The fear of another pregnancy takes hold. Why did God make this so hard??

There may be temptations to blame NFP, or even your instructor, and to stop practicing NFP altogether. I can accept this pregnancy, but there’s no way I can get pregnant again after this...contraceptives would make this so much easier...

The flames of our inner conflict are fanned by the comments from people in our lives:

“That NFP thing sure works.”

“Are you crazy?”

“You know how that happens, right?”

Sisters, if you are experiencing any of this, or have experienced it in the past, please know that you are not alone.

If you are struggling to accept a pregnancy with joy, you are not a bad person. You are human. And it’s normal to struggle when things don’t go according to plan. It’s okay to feel this way.

It’s okay to admit that it’s hard. God knows this path is not easy for you. But in the midst of your suffering, He is quietly inviting you to draw closer to Him.

So, after you scream, “Why me, God?” take a deep breath and ask: “What for, God? What do you want me to learn? Help me to understand your will for my life.”

Find peace in knowing that God wanted this child to exist, even more than you did. The mere thought of this tiny life delighted Him so much, He could not resist creating him or her.

If it still feels impossible to view your circumstances as anything but unfortunate, remember that God is the Author of Life, not us. He knows that His story would be incomplete without this child. Even if the timing doesn’t seem right for you, this new life is coming at the perfect time for the world.

Finally, look to God and say, “I surrender. I trust that you will solve the million objections and worries running through my head. I trust that your plan is better than mine, and that your yoke is sweet and your burden is light.”

I'll be the first to admit that NFP is not all sunshine and rainbows. But I also know that in the hard times, when NFP seems to have "failed" you, God is accomplishing something through you.