5 Family Traditions That Stand the Test of Time

Written by Sarah Metts, Author of Between Brothers

 

My novel, Between Brothers, opens with a scene of forty-year-old Fernando Jimenez grafting fruit trees while his ten-year-old daughter, Inés, looks on. It takes place in an orchard around sunset, outside of a small town in northeastern Spain, which is the town where my maternal grandmother grew up. When I wrote the book I did not intend to base the Fernando’s character on my own father, who is American and who grew up in upstate New York. I didn’t plan it that way, but when I think of a father, I think of someone who would rather be grafting fruit trees than working in an office, someone who is selflessly devoted to his family, and someone whose faith is the most important thing in his life.

Over the past two months my dad’s health has taken a turn for the worse and I’ve had the opportunity to visit him a few times and reflect on everything he has given to me. So, when Katie asked me to write a post for Lily & Lamb I knew I wanted to write something that could inspire mothers in the raising of their children, and I knew there could be no better way to do that than to simply write about the traditions my dad gave to us.

These traditions were the foundations of my faith, the blueprint for the way I raise my own family, and the backbone of the story of my novel. In a way, they make my novel a reflection of my childhood, and I think they are the reason why the story feels familiar to readers who have never been to Spain, and who may not be familiar with the Spanish Civil War. These five traditions are so simple that one could easily overlook their lasting value. You may be doing all of them already, and if you are, I hope this encourages you to continue. They are the quiet essentials that can be easily missed or crowded out by busyness, but if we protect them, I believe they have the potential to leave a lasting legacy in the lives of our children and grandchildren.

These five traditions are:

1. Eat meals together.
2. Make prayer a natural part of your day.
3. Attend Mass together, making it both formative and fun.
4. Share stories of your favorite saints with your children.
5. Lead by example.

1. Eat Meals Together

When I was growing up we sat down and ate breakfast and dinner together most days. This seems like a small thing, but I now see that eating meals together guarantees a certain amount of quality communication on a daily basis. If you eat dinner as a family you have a regular opportunity to check in with your children and spend uninterrupted time together. While breakfast in our home was typically a bowl of cereal and dinner was oftentimes spaghetti or pizza, at least five nights a week we sat down to dinner together. We talked about our day, or a struggle with a friend, sometimes there were arguments, but we had time together every evening, and over the course of eighteen years, that becomes a substantial amount of time to develop relationships. I can’t even imagine not eating as a family with my own kids, because my dad made it a habit from the very beginning of my life.

When I was writing my novel it was natural for me to write scenes in the Jimenez home around the breakfast or dinner table, and it helped me to develop the characters and their relationships with one another. Throughout the story the Jimenez children ask questions, discuss current events, and work things out with their mother and father around the dinner table. We have the same opportunity that parents had in the 1930s, when my novel takes place, but we now have far more things vying for our attention. It’s so important not to miss out on this opportunity by allowing work and other activities take up too much time in the evenings. I have a good friend who is an expert on the topic of spiritual warfare, and he says that getting together for meals as a family is exorcistic—that this time spent together around the dinner table can actually drive evil away from our homes and families.

2. Make Prayer a Natural Part of Your Day

When we were little, my dad taught us how to say the morning offering and we prayed it together most mornings. It was easy to learn and it was so short that as I got older I could easily say it to myself on the bus or walking into school. My family said the rosary every evening growing up, but my dad also taught us prayers for different situations throughout the day—whether it was a Hail Mary when we heard an ambulance siren or a prayer to offer up some difficulty we were struggling with, there was a prayer to say for every situation we found ourselves in.

Now that I have a family of my own, I love seeing how the prayers we taught our boys when they were little have become second nature to them. When one of my sons reminds me to pray over him before bed, I’m reminded of the power of prayer—to comfort, heal, and remind us of God’s presence in each moment.

3. Attend Mass Together, Making it Both Formative and Fun

 When we were growing up no one had to go to Mass with my dad on Saturday morning, but if you did, he always took you out to breakfast afterward. It might have been a breakfast sandwich at a deli or a sit-down breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants, but you always got something good to eat if you made the sacrifice to get up early and go to Mass.

Of course, he also taught us about the real presence, how to receive Communion reverently, and how to say a thanksgiving prayer after Mass, but as a child, the breakfast was a powerful motivator. When my now sister-in-law was dating my brother in college, she told me how much she loved going to morning Mass when she came to visit us, because my dad would always take her out to eat afterward.

In Between Brothers, the Jimenez family eats a huge lunch after Sunday Mass, which is common in Spain, but the idea of always pairing Mass with something special to eat is a tradition that I’ve tried to continue in my family. In fact, if one day my boys got up early to go to weekday Mass with me and I didn’t take them out for a treat afterward, I’m convinced they would call my dad and ask him to remind me of his “rule.”

4. Share Stories of Your Favorite Saints

I didn’t realize it until I went to college, but I knew a lot about Padre Pio and the Cure of Ars. These two saints were my dad’s favorites and he never missed an opportunity to tell us a story from their lives. Whether it was the time Padre Pio had his appendix removed with no anesthesia so the doctors wouldn’t examine his stigmata (he ended up passing out from the pain and they looked anyway), or how the Cure of Ars lived for a week on one bowl of potatoes, my dad brought these saints to life with the anecdotes he told us about them. He also shared stories with us about the martyrs of the Spanish Civil War, so my novel was a way of paying homage to a group of saints that have always held a special place in my dad’s heart.

While any opportunity to learn about the lives of the saints is valuable, I try to talk to my children about my favorite saints because when we are passionate about a particular person or story, it’s contagious. Whether you already have a favorite saint or you’re still searching for one, sharing stories about a saint you have a special devotion to is a great way to share your faith with your children. 

5. Lead By Example

If I had to choose only one lesson about raising a family that my dad has taught me it would be to lead by example. This is by far the most difficult of the traditions he handed down, and it’s a daily challenge for even the best parents. Even to attempt to lead our children through our example will stretch us and make us confront our own weaknesses and woundedness. It is not a goal for the faint of heart, but with patience and humility, and God’s grace, it is possible.

During my middle school and high school years, my dad raised us on his own. I can only imagine that it was overwhelming at times, even for someone as strong and capable as my dad. He went to Mass every morning, prayed the rosary daily, and went to confession often. And while those are all habits I aspire to, primarily because I watched him practice them, it wasn’t only his religious devotions that I wanted to imitate. My dad is an avid reader, a good friend, and he apologizes sincerely when he makes a mistake. Now that he is suffering from the effects of Parkinson’s disease I see his humility, patience, and heroic acceptance on full display. These are habits and virtues that I’ve seen him demonstrate and that I want to make a part of my own life.

Now that I’ve been a parent for a little over fifteen years, I see more clearly how important it is to be practicing the habits and behaviors that I want to see my children live out. It’s not easy, but I have learned that it is far more effective than telling children what they should do. If we want our sons and daughters to have integrity, virtue, and healthy relational skills, I’m convinced that the most powerful thing we can do is to live those habits out in our daily lives. In order to do this, the best help we have is turning to Our Lady. Especially as mothers, Mary is ever ready to come to our assistance and make up for what we lack.

No matter what the goals are that you are striving for in raising your children, Our Lady is your best friend and advocate, and she will always help you up when you fall. After 86 years of life, my dad is a testament to how she helps those who have a special devotion to her. Whether it was as a single parent, or in his profession as a lawyer, as a friend or grandfather, or now as someone who is suffering from an advanced illness, my dad has always trusted in Our Lady’s help and protection, and he has never been disappointed.